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5 Reasons You are Yelling at Your Kids

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This 4 minute video for caregivers features White River School District mental health therapist Stephanie Dann sharing about the 5 reasons you are yelling at your kids. You are normal: you might feel like the only person who struggles with this but we all yell sometimes.You are imperfect: imperfection is the one thing we all have in common. When we can embrace we are imperfect, we can admit our mistakes and refocus our attention in a positive direction.You are skipping self-care: our bodies are not meant to be in a constant stress state, that is easier said than done right now. Try to fit in some self-care, even just five deep breaths!You need more practice doing things differently: interrupting patterns we learned from our own childhood can be hard, but it does get easier over time.You need support: talk to someone like a supportive friend or family member about your shortcomings. Sometimes it can also be helpful to talk to a mental health therapist. There are many in the community who can help, and some are even seeing clients for free! Email [email protected] to get connected. Challenge: Take five deep breaths when you feel like you are going to “lose it” with your kids.

Show Transcript

Hi White River School District. My name is Stephanie Dann. I'm a marriage and family therapist that works for the school district. Today I wanted to talk to you about the five reasons that you are yelling at your kids. So reason number one you're yelling is you are normal. So in these dark times it's easy to feel like you are the only one who is having a difficult day. Maybe you believe that you're in some way more flawed than other parents, but if we peek behind that happy facade on social media or what we see in public, we know that good families everywhere are really struggling to break unhelpful patterns, feel confused about the best parenting strategies to use, and at the same time wonder if they are failing their kids. I want you to know you're not alone you are not unusual. The second reason that you're yelling at your kids is you are imperfect. Imperfection is one thing we all have in common, even though our struggles might look a little different none of us have this all figured out, no one handle things perfectly. No one! Now being imperfect is not an excuse it's not something that we say to justify our wrong behavior. It's just a reality. So we can embrace that we are imperfect, we can admit our mistakes, and that will help us to make amends with our kids, and to refocus our attention in a positive direction again. The third reason why you're yelling at your kids is because you're skipping out on self-care. Our bodies are not created to stay in a state of stress for a very long time, and I know that's really hard right now, because we're all experiencing more stress than ever. Self care tends to take a back seat as our stress level rises. Unfortunately our body pays the price, and so does our parenting. So five deep breaths can sound like a drop in the bucket, but five deep breaths at various times throughout the day can make a huge impact, Deep breathing is free, and it doesn't take that long to do. So, if nothing else do some deep breathing for some self care. The fourth reason that you're yelling at your kids is because you need more practice doing things differently. Each of us carry some baggage into our parenting, whether you realize it or not, from our childhoods. We bring with us experiences about how families communicate with each other, and how people handle, or maybe don't handle, big feelings. So deciding to interrupt those patterns that we grew up with is not easy at first. But eventually new behaviors will take less effort to do. Doing things like that deep breathing we were talking about will become second nature, and realizing your triggers will become more clear. So be patient with yourself during this process. The fifth and final reason why you're yelling at your kids is because you need some support. I know it's not easy to reach out for help, and no one wants to admit that they are losing it on their kids and they don't know what to do. Staying in your pain and admitting that about how you're parenting requires feeling safe and being in a respectful place to share. So you can do that with a supportive friend or family member, talking to them about what's going on, how you're feeling, but sometimes it can be helpful to talk to a mental health therapist. If you are interested in that, we can get you connected to one. Therapists usually use insurance to see parents in their practices, but right now because of the global pandemic therapist out there in our community are seeing people for free. So there's no reason not to get some help. My email will be in the comments if you would like to reach out and get connected to a therapist. So, I hope that's helpful to you all. I know that none of us want to be yelling at our kids, but know that you are supported, you're normal, you're imperfect, and it's going to be okay

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5 Reasons You are Yelling at Your Kids

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